The things that I do for internet marketing! And all for my English Lord boss. Admittedly he pays well.
“Freeze! Nobody move! You are surrounded!” That is the last thing I hear before I realize someone is behind me and a gigantic shadow looms over me. That is how my dog Gracie and I end up being held hostage by the six young women named Pyra 1-6 from M16 Influencers Training Inc at the Dronesville park. In line with social distancing, someone uses a long plank to poke at us from the back and makes us move forward toward the direction of the former “hyperloopy” lab now deserted due to the year long locked down order. It is like the worst of movies of a somewhat shell-shocked nerd-to-be and an innocent nerdy mascot talking dog. “No talking!” The command is issued and we duly obey, not knowing what this group named M16 is likely to do next.
The building is not locked or has its door been opened by a remote control? Anyway we settle in a spacious and clean meeting hall. I am made to sit down at the far end of a very long conference table while Gracies is allowed to wait at a corner with her muzzle-mask still on. The women sit at the other end of the table, all wearing full-facial masks. Here is an excerpt (sample) of our conversation. P stands for P1-P6. Jr. stands for me, junior to my dad the senior nerd IJ.
P: As per our phone conversation previously, we are the new members of the Women’s Internet Club. You may describe us as the Millennial Influencers Squad* (In millennial language: it means a group of friends). Have you brought the application forms? Junior?
Jr: Yes, here they are. (Handing over the transparent folder of blank forms)
P: (speaks after a lapse of seconds of silence) What kind of ridiculous forms is this? Requiring my particulars about whether I own a pet (e.g. a dog) and whether the pet (dog) will be a participant on zoom meetings? I object to answering this privacy infringing question!
Jr: It is a compulsory question, miss.
P: Why?! Your justification has better be good! (All the other Ps clap in unison)
Jr: You see, miss, it’s a matter of logistics.
P: OK, if I answer yes, I have a bull dog, and yes, she is joining the zoom class. Is there any difference from saying no?
Jr: The difference will be the charges. We will count as two persons attending.
P: (All burst into laughters) Bruh? (meaning seriously) Aren’t you extra (over the top, dramatic behavior)? (This one talks millennial slang words)
Jr: Serious. Consider the extra efforts we have to make to accommodate a person with a pet (dog). Of course you may opt out for the pet. Put them in another room, or muzzle them and chain them up or whatever so they would not disrupt the classes.
P: (all burst into a thundering uproar until one manages to speak) mister! I am shook (confused or in utter disbelief) at the way that you throw shade (making a subtly mean comment about someone) on our pets!
Jr: My apology, miss. The crux of the matter is that we will count your pet as an individual paid participant and give the same treatment as we give you. ISN’T THAT POSITIVE?
P: Would we be given a separate session apart from the senior women’s club? I understand that there are twenty of them and all with their pets.
Jr: We can’t afford to do that at the v (very) nominal fee we are charging, miss. Shall we give it a try mixing with the existing group, who have some bougies (from higher class), and who is more like fam (a group of friends who feels more like family) first and see how we may develop?
P: (After completed the forms and paying up their fees) TBH (to be honest), we are here for an important purpose. We have no option.
Jr: Thank you for your honesty. May I be so bold to know what M16 stands for?
P: Anything you may imagine. This conversation is hereby canceled (To reject something because it’s no longer trendy or it’s become too ratchet.) You two may go now. See you at the next Internet Club meeting. Any advice on how we may present ourselves in the zoom?
Jr: Just EXPECT the GOAT (Greatest of all time), BE SNATCHED (attractive), and not Beat (to have a full face of makeup)! We are going live on a popular social media at the same time!
P: Dank! (really cool)
(To be continued)
Junior nerd, 2021-01-18