I am now accustomed to the unexpected. The door bell rings at 8am and it is bad news. Thompson and Thompson (not their real names) are at the door. Today the grand aunt is out of town and they seem to know.
“We might as well be frank with you, we are not from the FBI.” Having planted themselves comfortably on my arm chairs, one of them confesses. “Neither are we from M15.” Another adds. “Or KGB. Not German BND either.”
“We are from the Consumer Association.” One of them declares.
“Huh?” I almost fall off my chair.
“We are here to investigate a complaint.”
“Of a product.”
They continue in turn. To me it sounds like Greek. “What product?” I haven’t sold anything during the last twelve months. The last thing I sold was my old laptop before I came home.
“To be precise, the misuse of a product.” They explain.
“But I have nothing to declare. I have not purchased any new product for years.” (This is true as I use what others have purchased.)
“What we mean is that we have been observing you for quite sometime.”
“How?” I cannot believe my ears. One Thompson walks to my coffee table and take my mobile and smiles, “You see, this is our little spy! This led us to your exact location and where you were every time you ventured outside. We even know what you look at and what you are interested in. Of course we read all your chats and listen to all your calls.”
“But, but, but…” This self-professed nerd is speechless.
Thompson says, “Look, we are doing you a favor and we expect a favor in return.”
“You have misused a drone to do what it has no license to do.”
I know I am defeated so I ask,”How do you spy on me through this mobile?”
The two burst out laughing. “You mean you being a nerd and never know? through all the Apps of course! ”
“But I never allowed them to access my location etc.”
“Oh, that,” They laugh louder. “Don’t you know whether you allow or not they still access?”
“Huh?” I am now dumb-founded. The two have the upper hand. So I ask finally, “What do you want?”
“Just a small matter, the content of your grand aunt’s box labelled Dronexit#1.”
I know they are not going to tell me who they really are and why they are after the Dronexit#1. But I know I am cornered and there is no foreseeable rescue from anywhere. Like my former English teacher had said, these two are up to no good. She is the only M15 equivalent who can deter them. But she is now on her way to the airport.
“By the way, ” One Thompson says, “Don’t you nerds know the latest Pokemon Go too takes away your privacy?”
By now I no longer care. But I have no idea how to get them off my back.
Then one Thompson says, “Last night you were videotaped too when you spied on others. LOL.”
“Your robot is quite a gem. Multi-tasking and very entertaining. Where did you acquire or steal it? Any thought of selling it? No point leaving it idle as you might go to jail.” Another Thompson says.
“Your grand aunt will be away for three days and you still have plenty of time to think about what we are offering. Sleep on it.” Then they leave me sitting there feeling miserable and wallowing in self-pity. I think of my wasted life as a failed nerd. all the short-cuts I have tried to take and ended with wrong turns. (To be continued)
(This is part of a mini-series of somewhat ‘preposterous’ but ‘entertaining’ short stories I try to concoct for and communicate with my younger nerd-to-be relatives and older amateur-nerd cronies. Pure fiction except for the dog Gracie. The picture which I created from several photos taken in Tokyo one evening many years ago depicts a sadly confused and chaotic world with an overload of unfiltered and often biased and deceptive virtual data mingled with physical world but have no substance of value pertaining to teaching the young to value, honor and respect real life.)